my thoughts exactly: Archive

Week one hundred and fifty-four - January 2011

Back in New York. From 80 degrees to 20 in a few hours. Still it was nice to get a bit of winter sun.

OK. I can explain.

Ellen gave me them and ask me to wear them for the Golden Globes. How could I refuse.

This is me before I popped on the old tux.

See. It’s not weird at all is it?

I enjoyed the Globes more this year. I think I had better gags. More along the lines of the Mel Gibson one last year.

Obviously the rumour that the organizers stopped me going out on stage for an hour is rubbish. I did every link I was scheduled to do. The reason why the gaps were uneven is because when I got the rundown I was allowed to choose who I presented to. I obviously chose the spots that I had the best gags for. They couldn’t move around the order but I could move around however I wanted.

All the same conspiracy theories as last year too… “So and so was offended”… “hasn’t been invited back yet”… exactly the same as last time. “Paul McCartney was furious”…no he wasn’t. And nor was Tim Allen and Tom Hanks. I was drinking with them after.

Why do people have to embellish? They’re allowed to say they hated it. They’re allowed to say they didn’t find it funny, that it was tasteless, over the top, or whatever. But why do they speculate and make stuff up?

Don’t worry, I know the answer. Because it’s more interesting than “it went fine and some people won some awards and then went to a party”. But that’s all that happened.

Actually, I see what they mean. Boring. So here’s what really happened. Bruce Willis and Sly Stallone started a fight with me but Alec Baldwin and Mark Walberg stepped in and helped me out. That’s what happened.